Our Crooked Paths

A Blog of about Being Human. Healing and Thriving in a Crazy World.

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Reviving Care and Freeing the Fish

 

Free and Brave. No.

This is a tagline for our country, but I assert that we have drifted ever so far from it's vision. Instead, there is a stunning avoidance mentality in the US culture, a lack of necessary skills and a deficit of courage.

The status of freedom is a state of being that is not given to us from an external source, It is something we embody. We give ourself our own freedom. By being passive, we have become unfree And have forgotten what both freedom and courage are. Now we are set up in a society which IMPOSES a certain lifestyle upon us.

The demand in our fabricated lifestyle keeps us so busy there is little time to develop a balanced life and thus a balanced brain. Little time or resources to make core change.

Unless one rebels and exits the status quo, it's an uphill battle. However, New Age teachings step in and tell us it's just a matter of outlook. Focus only on the positive, sidestep the negative. It doesn't teach action towards changing root problems. The activist spirit is flagging.

We are discouraged on all sides. People are being pacified with entertainment instead and are giving up on the prospect of true change. Or people are sidetracked on tangential issues (symptoms) failing to see the larger backdrop or patterns and control structures.

People are falling for the manipulation of the Hegelian Dialectic. This creates passivity which allows predators to sweep in with more control mechanisms. They can make the fish tank beautiful so that it artificially mimics the conditions outside the tank, with an added bonus of an apparent lure of safety (no natural predators). The fish can get fat and lazy, a condition that perpetuates itself through the Newton's First Law of Motion (an object at rest tends to stay at rest).

Money and material comforts become a trap, putting chains around people and their spirit of activism. If you say no to irrational rules imposed by your employer, which in turn have been coerced upon the employer by the government, then you are likely to have trepidation about defying the rules due to the risk of being fired and losing your income.

This is Coersion. That fear is tapping a core instinctual need for security, represented at the base of Maslow's Pyramid. This stops people from speaking up and from aiming for self-actualization (the top rung of Maslow's Pyamid).

Plus many people have been conditioned to be conflict avoidant. People are even afraid to speak directly about what they see with their own eyes for concern of offending someone, or of being politically incorrect, etc. Too many of us care about how we are being seen or judged.

This fear is heightened by all the character attacks upon people who have had the courage to speak an alternative point of view. It's a suppression tactic. Meant to keep us quiet in our fish tank.

Have you thought about what fish remain out side of tank? I venture to guess that there are some sharks out there. Yes, that's disheartening. But let's not let that stop us. There are more of us than them. There is much open ocean, and an ecosystem that can flourish for all of us.

The price of non-conforming is going up. The apparent rewards seem few. However, those who have felt true freedom know it's the most valuable thing in life. How do we help others to see and feel the value of freedom too?

In a society where material accumulation and short term pleasure is worshipped, it's very hard. That's our dilemma.

I think for many people , the inherent drive for freedom has been conditioned out, maybe even bred out. Like the various fish in the tank, people have different histories both personally and genetically. Some come from lines of fish that have never known wild waters, who have all always been raised in captivity. Other fish once knew the wild ocean life, and have the scars to show for it, but are the minority; they are tired and may be close to giving up the fight, resigned, and unable to get out of the fish tank alone.

Enter fresh blood, Nemo, and his plight which activated the compassion of the other fish to help him escape. He is young and full of energy, a fresh life full of spirit. Then there is a messenger bird that gives the the caged fish hope, that tells them someone outside the cage cares and is searching for Nemo. So together they use their aggregate will and use will power, ingenuity and physical effort to propel them out of the tank. THEY FREED THEMSELVES.

Without the spark of hope from a being outside the tank, there was no effort. Without care for the youthful potential, represented by Nemo, there was no motivation. Even if we arent doing it for ourselves, we need to think of our youth (Nemo= New Man) and their future. We need to give them vision and sparks of hope to motivate them.

Our task is to Revive Care. Think of Marlin, not as a rescuer but as a force driven by love and care, facing and overcoming fears and anxieties (that kept him playing it safe previously). By venturing forth unabated by fear, he is rewarded. Helpers arrive. He finds the effortless current to move him towards his destination.

The current represents Natural Law, or the flow that can occur when one is in alignment of Mind, Body and Spirit motivated by True Care and stepping forward with Courage. Marlin finds Nemo and the other fish swimming in the ocean as new, changed beings, recognizing the value of a free life with a renewed hope for the future

 

 

Gemini Moon

On this Full Moon

I Find Clarity

Soverienty and

Clear Communication

 

Friendship

Building

Community Connections

 

Written Creation

Words Spilling

Down my Arms

Onto the Keyboard

 

While the World Around Me 

Quakes in Confusion

I Am Clearer and Clearer

About Who I Am

OLYMPIC HOPEFUL

In my late teens and early twenties I was a promising athlete as a women's light weight in taekwondo sparring competition. I had taken a gold medal in the 1986 National Championships and a gold medal at the 1986 Pan American Championships. This set me up to be favored as a women's light weight hopeful for the 1988 US Taekwondo Olympic Team.

Although I wasn't personally attached to being an Olympian, I was motivated to see what my athletic potential was. So I trained really hard for the 1987 Nationals. Just a couple weeks prior, I was feeling great! My legs felt light as feathers and fast as lightening. I was strong, agile and my endurance excellent. I was ready.

Unfortunately just a week prior to the competition, I noticed my speed and energy was mysteriously declining. I realized I had peaked early, and I didnt know what to do about it.

On the morning of the National Championships, I was exhausted. Just doing a warm up jog felt daunting. Instead of feathers, my legs felt like 100 pound weights. Warming up for the elimination rounds, I began to panic. I had worked so hard and had recently felt so ready, so good...and now this!!??? What the hell!

Frustrated and disappointed, I fought my elimination rounds. I felt slow and sloppy but made it to finals. There was a fairly long wait until the final match. A match that would be showcased in a single ring and focused on by the crowd. I would be competing against Dana Hee, my rival from the year before. Dana was the other Olympic hopeful and my main competition.

I prepared myself mentally for this battle. I vowed to myself that I could not lose. I must dig down deep with everything I had. And that is what I did.

Both Dana and I were tired. The match was sloppy. My kicks were terrible. But I would not give up. I persisted and was the more aggressive fighter. I believe that is why I won the match. On the medal stand, Dana asked me: " Weren't you tired?" And I responded "Yes, I was exhausted." I then told her about the endurance training that I received from my coach Chung Chik Choi, and suggested that if she wanted to improve her endurance to go train with him.

This she later did, and it paid off for her. I, on the other hand, made an unpopular decision not to continue the pursuit of Taekwondo medals and thereby forfeited my chance to represent the US in the 1988 Olympic Games. It was a complicated decision not to go to the 1987 Team Trials and I got a lot of shit for it. Dana took the spot and went to Barcelona, Spain for World Taekwondo Championships. She trained in earnest for the Olynpic Games with focus and perseverance and ultimately went on to win a gold medal in the 1988 Olympic Games. Her story is inspiring and catapulted her into a successful career as a Hollywood stunt double and motivational speaker. Definitely support her by checking out her story.

Because of my choice not to compete, my name (Leslie Losinger) was quickly dropped from Taekwondo history. Some may consider my choice as a weakness or failure. Certainly by external standards of measurement I could be seen as having 'given up.' 

But in reality, I gave up nothing. I chose a path based on personal integrity. My choice did not fit the popular storybook narrative and I was therefore dismissed. I'm ok with that, and ok with my decisions from that time.

Standing behind my choice not to do something others wanted me to do actually took a lot of courage. We all need to be true to ourselves.

I feel that what was best to happen happened. I did not have the Hollywood ambitions that Dana had and I am glad she was able to pursue those possibilities as a result of her Olympic experience.

I have preferred to do my work of helping others behind the scenes in relative invisibility. I am happy within my own heart and mind, knowing what others may not have seen that day, knowing how deeply I had to dig, how truly strong my mind was in order to pull off that win in the finals of the 1987 US National Championships held in Anahiem, CA.

For all of us, the true fight is mental and the true reward is internal. This is what I have always loved about sports and athletics: the opportunity to develop our mental and physical skills in tandem and the metaphor they can provide for life in general.

That experience helped me to know what it feels like to dig deep when you have no energy left... when the odds are against you. I embodied indomitable spirit and the memory of that remains in my consciousness for me to access at any time.

This is a powerful take-away from our most arduous fights. When we set our minds on a goal, then fight hard for it and succeed, that experience gets imprinted in our psyche. We can call upon the memory consciously and strategically to motivate and empower ourselves for future struggles. The mental victory becomes a tool to fuel our life.

Another important take-away from this story is this:

Be true to yourself! Don't succumb to other peoples' pressure or their definitions of success.

Walk your own walk and do your very best while you do it. Follow your own North Star!

DEFENSES

We put up defenses to pain. No one wants to hurt. We run We hide We ignore We pretend. But the truth remains the truth. What is buried will rise. What is hidden will ultimately reveal itself.

AWAKENING

What is awakening? Seeing things as they really are. Seeing past appearances and beliefs to see the actual truth. Awakening to truth about our world can be painful.

THE INFINITE SPRING

Spiritual Warriors, this is a Battle of Endurance. Dig deep and find your Strength, the strength that has always been there...waiting for you. Drink from the Infinite Spring and Claim Your Power. 

DEEPER

If you look deeper...deeper beyond the main stream media narrative or the agenda of government agencies, or of their lackeys, you will see that the science is not settled. You will see that there is much legitimate, unbiased and scientific evidence that contradicts the mainstream narrative.

When you see this you must ask Why?

Why is the government and the media trying to steer people and their thoughts and behaviors in a certain direction? Is it truly innocent? What is the ultimate result of people complying? Is there an endgame in mind?

What could happen to a nation, an entire species, if we follow blindly or trust without question? What could happen as a result of the majority's actions being motivated by fear or social conformity?

If you look at world history the answer is frightening.

Let's not repeat history. Let's not allow the destruction of our species' potential.

So, please....do not blindly follow any aspect of what we're being told about this pandemic or its solution.

Each one of us has a personal responsibility to study as many sources of information relevant to what's going on in the world today. Then we need to make our own decisions, and stand up for our rights to do so.

We each have a natural right to draw our own conclusions and choose our own actions. This right extends as far as the boundary of another person 's natural rights. No individual or group has the authority to violate this principle.

This is the foundation of true freedom...A freedom that is vitally important for each and every person living now and for future generations.

THE PHOENIX

Transformation

Rising from the Ashes

Stepping Forward

With Full Identity

No Hiding

No Shame

 

BOLD

I become more Bold

More Outspoken

And Courageous.

I express Myself

with Full Integrity

Guided by Truth

With Love for the World.

ALCHEMY

Seeing you in my Future

Best Friend

Lover

Collaborator

Life Partner.

Afraid to Claim the Gift

Unsure How

To clear the Maya.

A time for Alchemy

Through Thought, Feeling and Action

The Questions I Ask

To bring Future Vision to Present Time

are What and How.

Trust in Ourselves, Not Goverment

Ever since I was a child I have had a resistance to identifying with any particular group including any particular religion or political party. However for most of my life, I claimed my self to be a Democrat (but even then, I would change over to registering as an Independent). My wish was for everyone to be treated equally and to have fair access to resources. I certainly never wanted government controlling people's lives.

I choose now to extricate myself from the choice of political party.

When I look deeper I see that, unconsciously, at the core of that democratic leaning was also a kind of lack of faith in humanity, a doubt that people would step up to help other human beings when a need arose...that ultimately we could not trust each other and that we need a government to look out for us and keep order.

 

But the reality I see is that government protects no one but their own. It is self serving. In fact governments are responsible for the greatest atrocities against humanity. 

On the other hand, I see the majority of individual people as generally good. Groups and institutions that claim authority and wield power are generally problematic. Most people are good-hearted and will look out for each other when needed. People do step up with kindness and compassion, especially when their own basic needs are met. If people have time and resources, they will help other people. Most families want to take care of thier own and thier communities. I've seen neighborhoods come together to build a bridge, shovel snow off streets, help fire victims, and many people have stopped to offer me assistance on the roadside.

Often, people lack the time and resources to help out as much as they'd like. That's often when we turn to government to fill in, to help us, to be pseudo extensions of ourselves. I think that is the intention of voting. (A deeper inquiry is to ask why people dont have the time and resources to take care of each other?).

What I see clearly now is that the system we have entrusted to represent us is not doing a good job, it is not doing what we have naively entrusted it to do. As is demonstrated in history, over and over, power corrupts people, and corrupt people seek power. It seems people keep forgetting that...and give endless chances to a system that repeatedly betrays them.

We are now dependent on and beholden to government, to an extremely corrupt and dysfunctional machine, and bit by bit I see we are giving up our freedoms for the illusion of the government taking care of us and fixing our problems. We are clinging to ideals of freedom and choice that are not happening in reality. I think it is a dire mistake to depend on government. If you look at history, the reasons should become clear.

Dont be complacent and think that because we vote and supposedly live in a democracy that we are safe. Recent events have clearly illustrated that people in power believe they can do pretty much whatever they they want. Our legal system, meant to protect us, is expensive, time consuming and cumbersome, biased and ineffective, Not accessible and equal to all. The political system is rigged and the majority of people are economically handcuffed.

I truly believe it doesnt have to be this way. The only ones who can protect us are ourselves...We need to stop looking to institutions and officials to save or protect us or to tell us what to do. The more I learn, the more I see how unnecessary and destructive that is. We need to develop faith in ourselves and in each other as citizens.

This planet is abundant. There is enough for all of us to live abundantly if we work in harmony with nature and natural laws. There is potential to live with technology harmoniously and in ways which would not gouge our earth's resources or our pocket books. There's the potential for everyone to eat pure and fresh food that's not Infiltrated with chemicals, GMOs and hormones.

If we become more observant, caring and connected to nature, to the earth and her wisdom, I am confident we will find the answers to abundant and harmonious living. If we do our inner work, deal with our own shadow, resolve our personal and ancestral traumas, big and small, we will all be less reactive and less gullible, harder to manipulate and internally content.

If we turn inward we will see we are wiser and more powerful than we ever realized. When we look around us, we will see that most people are caring and helpful. That there is enough for everyone. We will also see that sometimes our own goodness makes us naive and prone to denial of the existence of evil, to corrupted minds and agendas. We need to be discerning and develop our own internal protection systems. It is greatly a mental game and requires a mental solution.

We can be internally empowered and less swayed by outside temptations and external messages. I see so many mainstream things influencing and manipulating our nervous systems and world views. Movies, TV series, FB posts, media, street signs, etc. I just saw a related Twitter post from Elon Musk where he said:

"Social media is a limbic amplifier, which inherently destabilizes civilization."

Wow, think about that! People are swinging all over the place in reaction to external narratives and stimuli. People are losing their Center and with that their access to thier internal wisdom. People are turning against each other. We are all vulnerable to destabilization and we all need to work consciously to stay grounded and centered.

We need self awareness, the ability to self reflect. Self knowledge is essential if we are going to be able to protect ourselves.

What world views are you clinging on to? I keep peeling back layers of the onion and looking deeper. I'm willing to consider that what I've always believed was real or true was not actually true at all? Are you? This can be a very uncomfortable process. Most people dont seem willing to do it or understand why it's so important.

In such an abundant universe, so why don't most people have abundant resources? How is our system , the government, perpetuating this discrepancy? Do you really think one political party or the other is going to fix that? Really? My god, parties have swapped back and forth for all my lifetime and those before me, and nothing really changes, not really, not deeply, not substantially! It's all a game. Its corrupt. Its lacking true care and true morality. I personally will not be party to that game any more.

Which type of Government or political party do you want? That to me sounds more like asking: How controlled or enslaved do we want to be?...a  little enslaved, moderately enslaved or totally blatantly enslaved?

In any case, we are handing over our rights and decision-making to other people who are not actually representing any of us. Only we can represent ourselves. This is why our individual freedom, based in a framework of morality, is so important. We stand in our power through what we say Yes or No to.

Do we live in alignment between our Thoughts, Feelings and Actions? Do we follow moral code? If we do something against our will because of a fear of punishment that is coercion, and we are stepping outside of alignment and out of our power. Coersion is immoral. Acting from a fear of punishment is a low, childish level of moral reasoning.

How about we raise every body's morality? Teach moral reasoning, not authority worshiping.

There is the possibility of living a whole different kind of life, a good life. A harmonious life. Harmonious with the earth and with each other. The more people who can see this, visualizes it and move towards it, the more likely it can become reality. But seriously, its not going to happen if we cling to the status quo.

The government system we are entangled in is inherently corrupt because it involves giving our power away to others who act as if they have God-like authority. We are all equal in our rights. No one has more rights just because the hold a title or office. Not really. I dont think that we can change the government from within either. By playing the game and sticking to its man-made rules, we just perpetuate the problem. We give the dysfunction more fuel and power.

The only way out is out. That is scary. It will take courage. But its possible. The people courageously claiming their naturally given rights and protecting those rights in the name of freedom? Isn't that what this country was created to do?

 

 

Government and Politics

Government and Politics. It's a fake, a sham, a smokescreen. It tricks us into believing we have choice and influence.

Compartmentalization, Distraction, Obfuscation, Exaggeration, Fueling polarity and creating division. Pitting people against each other.

Things are not what they seem. Question and look deeper. See patterns. Truth is being hidden. We are being played. There are people with power who dont care about humanity but get off on power and ego-based advantage.

Our real power is within ourselves and in our actions and choices, what we say yes to, what we say no to, what we participate in or not. Whether we recognize our intrinsic, natural rights, God given not human given. Whether we live with morality, recognizing that there is a true right and wrong. Morality is not subjective. Outside of the core morality, our diversity and differences are our right to express.

Core Morality: Do not harm others, do not murder, do not physically assault, do not rape or sexually assault others, do not steal, do not trespass, do not stop others from exercising thier rights if they are not hurting anyone else. Do not coerce or threaten.

Live with care, compassion and love. Recognize we are all interconnected.

Moral code applies both to individuals and groups, including government agencies and police. What's wrong for and individual to do is also wrong for a group to do, wrong for government to do. If we all learned and lived by moral principles, we would have the tools to live harmoniously. We would not get caught up in all the bullshit. We would not give our rights away by giving others a false authority.

Dont let fear rule or guide you. And dont naively trust or ignore what's happening before our eyes. Take personal responsibility. Do not blindly follow any external authority. Develop inner strength. Do not commit acts of violence.

Live by the non-aggression principle. Force is only right when used for self defense, and then it is our right.

Basic principles. Foundational. In every thing I've ever done, going back to basics is where power and wisdom live.

Rules

If we're going to follow rules, let's do this! Let's interact based on natural law principles and basic logic and reason: Natural law- is basically the golden rule and karma principles combined. Treat others as you would like to be treated. Dont steal other people's stuff. Dont harm other people's bodies. We all deserve to live without physical, emotional or spiritual violence. Reserve force only for self defense. Natural Law guides our morality. No one is better or more or less deserving than anybody else. Logic and Reason- See below. Avoid twisting your arguments up in logical fallacies. Fight fair. Dont manipulate.

Blind Conductor

I am the blind woman at the head of this train. Nobody taught me how to drive it. And I dont know where I'm going.

The scenery has been interesting. Sometimes beautiful. But I'm tired of the rugged terrain.

How do I get a hold of this train? Slow it down. Then choose a course and steer it there. That is my desire now.

I'm done with the adventure. Enough wild rides for me. I've proven that I'm tough and brave. Foolishly so.

Realizing I was blinded by my own cloak, I move it aside. If I wasn't traveling so fast, I might have realized that and done it sooner.

No going back. No re-do. I cant change that people got hurt along the way. The terrain has been covered. And here we are.

So what now? What's next? I must choose carefully.

And wisely.

Please dont teach your kids to be afraid of living freely. We really need this next generation to kick bullshit's ass!

My Torture

The slow torture of my heart.

I am not given the privilege of just walking away to forget.

You are repeatedly knocking at my awareness. Sometimes knocking at my door.

Whether I like it or not. And I feel both ways.

Choosing to detach the best I can,

You are still so close, and Likely to pop up again

Into my radar

Perhaps into my actual house!

You with your powerful and sweet energy.

So sensible. So integral. So taken.

I think I should do whatever I can to minimize these not so chance encounters.

Your kindness is generous. Your character palpable.

This makes it all the harder for me.

Do you even have a clue of how I am strained?

I have had enough difficulties and stresses!

My basket is overflowing with strain, loss, worry, frustration and sadness!

This has been a tough damn road. You see, my road is harder than it appears on the surface.

I am stronger than meets the eye

Because I dont make my burdens obvious.

Part of my problem Is being strong.

I was forged from a Stoic bloodline, an Ancestry of tough and stubborn Nords.

A warrior line.

You and I both come from that stock.

Integral and hard working people.

Well meaning.

I recognize you. And you me.

I try and accept this circumstance, but my emotions fight it.

Is this my orlog, fixed in eternity as fate?

I want to rest, to relax, to let go, to let down my wall of strength.

And melt into the arms of a man

A man whose strength and softness rival mine.

Whose character surpasses mine.

I want to change what IS and make it what I WANT!

You tease me.

Then torture me with friendship and kind deeds.

I know this hurt is not intentional,

But I experience it none the less.

I want to wail in complaint!

This is not fair! What did I do to deserve this fate?

This weird wyrd! This weird world. Perthro, is this my lot, my luck? What did I do?!!!

I yell to the Norns, WHY?

I deserve love! I deserve partnership! I deserve to have the man I desire, My Beloved! I deserve to have him choose me! To love me! I deserve all this good and more! I've been a good girl!

I have so much love to give! So much devotion to release!

When will MY time come?

I cry! I sob with heaving chest. My tears run down my face releasing my deepest pain! My yearning explodes in deep grieving. Energy with no where to go but in falling tears and words of frustration!

I cleanse my self in visions of strong ocean waters, washing away my unexpressed and blocked desire. My intense yearning and grief needing the enormous power of ocean waves to be set free.

And too, I'm tired of patience. I demand my Beloved NOW!

What Are We Thirsting For?

I watch very few TV series, but occasionally I will try one out. Here's my experience:

Like the early stages of a forbidden romance, it sucks me in. For a while it feels warm and titillating.

But like a shallow affair, it soon develops a dark side, a nagging discomfort.

I begin to notice a push and pull of my emotions. I am drawn in to it but I am also repelled. Afterwards, I feel icky. Spent and a bit used.

This show is, as most shows are, quite formulaic. The romance, the build up, the tension, the drama, the solution, the relief. They do it all over and over again. Never ending, but without ever soothing the desire that it initially teased.

The cycle can be very catchy none the less, even addicting. This fabricated drama...tugging at our deepest yearnings. It hooks us...feels juicy and alluring. Damn. It's so easy to fall for it, and I keep going back.

But like a shallow affair, afterwards I feel a little dirty. The result: my nervous system goes up and down repeatedly with no real aim or purpose. No satisfying outcome. No real building of true character. I feel depleted, not restored.

I become attuned to my nervous system feeling like a roller coaster ride, going up and down with the show's plot. After a short while, my ambivalence and even resentment pushes me away. I'm eating up too much precious time! This this external, unfulfilling stimuli exerted such an impact on my body and mind! I am irritated!

Why did I let this go on? God knows I have enough shit to deal with in my life already! I gave my power away by sanctioning that emotional rollercoaster! Time to move on, back to my own life.

I decide to be strong and stay away from it! I appreciate the return of calmness in my nervous system. I am more balanced.

Back to my life? Hmmm. How fulfilling is that? Got to think about it. I must be thirsting for something!

I think a lot of things in our society suck us in and then do a similar diservice to our nervous system. Social media. Movies. Media. Gossip. Unnecessary debates and arguments. Online dating. I think we need to beware that we dont let these things insult us. Or even assault us through their false promise of pleasure or fulfilment.

Yet we are looking for something very real through these surrogates. Our lives may need some analysis to see what's really missing, and how we can really scratch that itch.

So...what needs are we actually seeking to fulfill with these fabricated forms of stimulation? To feel more alive? More vital? More connected? When we spend hours watching our face drama series, are we actually getting fulfilled? Or are we being used? Is it a trick? a placebo, a demi-god?...a binky when what we really need is breast milk?

What is our soul really thirsting for? And how do we get it? What real fulfillment are we missing out on by indulging in these teases and distractions?

I know that I want the real milk. Real people. Real drama. Real flesh and blood. Real weather. Real climbs. Real goose bumps. I want to atune with the poignant and compelling drama of our actual lives, not virtual or fabricated ones.

I want my own beating heart to pump from climbing up a mountain side. I want to feel my own sweat dripping down my face and mixing with that of my lover's. I choose flesh and blood connections. I accept the chance of my own heart ache.

From these true tests of my nervous system, I know I will gain true fortitude and a satisfying sense of a life well lived. I will be my own character, my own real and true, flesh and blood heroine. And the exhaustion I will feel will be far more satisfying than anything I can find on a screen.

Our Propaganda

I remember taking a sociology class in college years ago. The topic of conversation was the use of propaganda and censorship in media as a means to control populations. Information is power; media is powerful, as it has a way of guiding our thoughts and world views and thus evoking our emotions.

The interesting dynamic in my class was that the professor talked as if this phenomenon (manipulative propaganda) existed in far away countries like Russia or Asia.... as if here in the US we dont have to worry about that corruption. The patriotic message given was that with our constitutionally supported freedom of speech that we were protected and that our news was honest. I think most people want to believe that.

As I look at it now, that very message was the propaganda.

We were raised to believe in our country, our democracy and our supposed freedom to such a degree that most of us missed the signs that our media and democratic principles were being whittled away.

With 6 big companies controlling 90 % of media outlets, it is even more crucial to seek out alternative news sources to get a whole , well rounded picture of what's going on. The days of trusting our nightly news anchorman are over.

A TRUE STORY

I'm going to share a story, one that I am reminded of due to the current hostile environment on our social media platforms. There's a lot of name calling and judging going on. Many very intelligent and well-educated individuals are being shut down, belittled, called names, and shamed in ways meant to socially ostracise and make people conform to a social norm. I'm really sad because I see people who I have personally liked and respected and who I believe know better do this kind of behavior. So here is the story that I am reminded of.

When I was age 12 just entering 7th grade (which in those days was the beginning of junior high) I was a very happy, free spirited, nature focused tomboy. My best friend and I walked in the woods, we rode our bikes, we swam, we built tree houses and we were really good, innocent kids. We typically wore blue jean's and t-shirts with a picture of a horse on it. Our haircut was relatively short and non descriptive. I had not yet been introduced to the typical junior high culture and style. And when we showed up at our bus stop, not wearing the 'right' clothes or whatever was supposed to be cool, we stood out as different. Simply being different made us instant targets for teasing and harassment. (I was caught off guard, as we were minding our own business and had never been bullied before). What I noticed was that at this bus stop of maybe 10-12 kids there was one boy a little bit older, probably in 8th or 9th grade, whose nickname was Crow. And he was the ringleader and instigator of the bullying. I watched as he started to pick on us, to single us out, and call us names, subtly encouraging the others to follow suit. I watched as he, through his charisma and natural leadership, led all the rest of the kids to follow suit. Those few that didnt actively tease were passive and silent. No one challenged or defended the cruel behavior. No one stood up for what was right. Before we knew it every one of those dozen or so kids was treating us like we were lepers.

I remember one girl who had known me a little bit from before, who when she ran into me in private, was suddenly nice and talked kindly to me and I thought "Oh maybe she's seen the light and maybe she will be my friend." But the very next morning at the bus stop around the other kids, including the ring leader who everybody seemed somehow invested in following, she ignored me and didn't look at me or make eye contact and she turned her back. That ESPECIALLY HURT. I decided that more than anything,  I could not trust someone who acted with such hypocricy.

One boy in particular really took Crow's lead and he ran with it in a really sadistic way. One day when I went to get on the bus he taunted me loudly, saying I was greasy, dirty and disgusting. His comments led to no one wanting me to sit by them, so I had no where to sit. 

This moment of extreme humiliation was etched as trauma in my brain. The frozen moment palpable with social ostracism , humiliation, shame and rage. The majority of those kids didn't know me at all, they never talked to me then, before or after; they didn't know anything about who we was , or what I was like. It didnt matter. But they made my life hell. The longer I held out without changing, the meaner they got.

Very quickly I saw that Crow, who started it all, had completely stopped teasing, he had actually done very little of the cruel behaviors himself. He just stood back and watched and gloated as the other kids did his bidding for him. He got off on the POWER. I realized he had and no actual beef with me, or my friend, personally; it wasn't about us at all. This whole dynamic was about his sick and narcissistic enjoyment of controlling the crowd. And my friend and I were convenient targets.

I remember crying to my mother and begging her to please save me from the torture that I felt going to that bus stop every day. I asked her to drive me to school, but for some reason, (I think she thought it in my best interest to figure it out on my own), she decided not to save me from that situation and I endured it for what seemed like forever.

I had to figure a way to get through it on my own. I knew that I didn't deserve this abuse, that I had done nothing wrong and that this was really about them. I remember thinking that these people were ignorant, they were "blind" to what was really happening and did not see how they themselves were being used and manipulated. They succumbed to their fear of social rejection and followed thier ring leader like he was some god. But really , he was an asshole, a sociopath-in-the-making, a narcissist. I saw that this guy Crow got off on controlling people. He actually had nothing against me personally. He was almost admirable in his skill and ability to wield social power. He had long before stopped teasing me personally and just sat back and watched his minions do his dirty work. He was gloating and smiling at how he could pull the puppet strings of all the other kids. Crow had just given them permission and made it cool to be mean and dangerous to speak out against cruelty.

I knew that it was just my outward appearance and different look that triggered this whole abusive scenario. And for the longest time I refused to change my appearance because I felt like it was wrong for me to change when I was not hurting anyone. Why should I change my self when nothing was wrong with me? Shouldnt we all feel safe to express ourselves freely, as long as we are not hurting another person? However after so many weeks of being subjected to the daily pain and dread of going to school each morning, I wore down and I decided to change some simple aspects of my appearance to fit in. I thought of it as an experiment. I got a different haircut and bought a more stylish blouse. I went invisible, so to speak, by making myself more superficially look like them. I blended in. I was curious to see what they would do.

And I laughed to myself because when I blended in and became superficially like them, it didnt take long for the kids to stop teasing me. My assessment of their ignorance was even more deeply confirmed. I lost respect for my peers. I disconnected from my school.

I have reflected on this period of my life for decades since, reflecting on how this experience has shaped my life and impacted my trust (or lack of trust) in people, especially group settings. I see how I get triggered by hypocrisy. I reflect on how I have had to work on forgiveness and compassion. On how I root for the underdog. Of how I love and am drawn to the artists, the rebels, and the counter culture. Sadly, as I see it now, I have gone through my life by going undercover, becoming invisible, and blending in casually on the surface. Not making waves. Recoiling when something I do creates a backlash. I see this understandable habituation , this defense mechanism as having robbed me of my full expression; It has robbed me and others because I have held back my insights, my gifts, my observations, my creative expressions, my beauty, etc.

My intelligence, my unique view points, my personal expression, my exuberance of life was diminished by the trauma of social shaming. I have walked between 2 worlds, trying to make nice with both, rather than to fully claim my voice, my intelligence and my gifts. Rather than make a stand when a stand was called for. I have not spoken up when it was justified. I have avoided conflict when it was called for. And now I see myself as that hypocrite, the scared girl who was afraid to speak up, who wouldnt be my friend publically.

Wow. Now with the current global climate, I see the polarization widening. I see adults acting like scared middle-schoolers. I see teasing, name calling and sadistic shaming . I feel my own turtle self wanting to retreat and play safe. I see others with really important things to say being berated. I see some being cautious too. Private groups are created to have conversations about controversial ideas so as not to feel yargeted or attacked. It's sad.

I believe that now, more than ever, that alternative and non-mainstream voices need to be listened to, to be heard with respect and treated with basic decency. I think everyone needs to open thier minds,their eyes and thier ears to perspectives you might not have considered before.

Look! What do you think happened to Crow? I bet he became the CEO of some corporation or perhaps a politician. I'm pretty sure he became superficially successful and gravitated to a position of social power.

The sadistic boy on the bus? I imagine he might have been drawn to the police force or military, someplace where he would have permission to act out his aggression and sadism in a somewhat condoning environment.

And the girl, passive and hypocritical, she represents many of US, lacking the COURAGE to publically speak out about Right and Wrong.

Really think about it. This is a true story. And these are real social dynamics. They exist on all levels of society. They occur among so called "mature" adults. So please, before you go off and call someone crazy or label them a cultist, think of this story. Think again.

Soul Sleuthing

Imagine, what if the events of your current life gave you clues about your past lives? And what if these events are actually guides to what currently needs healing in your soul?

I am proposing that by following the clues within our present-life timeline, that we can discover many of our ancestral and soul codes. Furthermore, by healing traumas from this life, we may be also healing trauma from past lifetimes, and even healing blood lineage traumas.

It's fun to be a supersleuth of your own life story. Noticing the clues and hints can guide you to self-discovery, self- mastery, and becoming a super powered self.

Let's look at the details and themes of your life stories in new ways. Here some questions for you to contemplate:

1. What have been the common 'feeling themes' in your life (especially the darker, more difficult ones)?

For example, I have often felt alone, like an outsider, have felt misunderstood or unseen. In many of my dreams, I walked alone. I am also a natural optimist; I see the good in almost everyone and despite knowing about bad things in life, I have a pure or naive aspect to my personality. This has led to being taken advantage of.

2. What were you born 'knowing' that you didn't learn this lifetime?

For example, at an early age I had some deep insights and aversions about organized religion and gender roles (that had nothing to do with my current family upbringing or experiences). I was thinking about things that other kids, nor my parents, ever talked about.

3. As a child, did you have any mystical or extra-ordinary experiences?

I have a distinct memory when young of merging with the forest and the sounds at dusk, of feeling Oneness with the Universe. Another time, I found a mummified cat in my grandmother's barn, with no clue as to how it got mummified.

4. What are some of the places and persons' names that popped up during significant times of your life? As examples, I was raised in a town called VESTAL (a la Vestal Virgins). I had a significant initiatory experience at age 13 with a woman named TARA (a goddess name). I was teased and taunted by a older teenage boy called CROW (in Nordic mythology crows signify thought and memory). In one situation as a young adult, I was protected from an unsafe situation by a woman named HOPE. Look at the names that have come up in your life and see if you get any intuitive hits about them. Look for themes.

5) What were you naturally drawn to as a child? What did you naturally want to do?

I was drawn to dancing, to wandering in nature, to imaginary doorways among the trees, to solitary walks in the woods. I deeply contemplated the nature of God at a very young age. I wrote poetry. These are just a few examples of questions and memories to explore. I suggest doing a biographical review and take note, with new eyes, of anything that hits a button for you. Write it down. These are your soul codes. And I believe many of my life events were, in my case, gentler, examples of what were likely more pronounced experiences in past lifetimes. For example, from my current life... In 7th grade, I was teased and shamed, treated as an untouchable on the school bus. This treatment as an outcast made no real sense. I wasnt too wierd and had done nothing wrong. As soon as I changed my hair cut and varied my wardrobe, the harassment stopped. Even then, I had a deep knowing that the cruelty had nothing to actually do with ME. My intuition is that this was an echo of previous lifetimes of being ostracized, perhaps having been accused of being accused of being a witch or of lower caste, considered dirty.

I see clues and themes hidden in my past about the occult, mysticism, priestessing and being a healer....clues about my soul path, soul purpose and my destiny....in the seemingly random details! I do not see them now as random. I see them as oracles, divination tools at our disposal, that can teach us about ourselves at a deeper level.

As I began to notice these names and patterns, and seeing themes, they resonated as meaningful synchonicities. They validated deep feelings in side me already.

Synchro-mystic events are not accidents or coincidences, they are messages or affirmations from the Universe. They are ways of saying "Yes" or "Take Notice."

The themes we identify now give us an opportunity. They could be for healing or they could be guideposts to a bigger purpose in our life. They could help us to understand why we have been sensitive in certain ways or have felt different. This exploration can be very self-affirming.

Once you identify and face the feelings around painful events or themes in our life, we can now heal ...our current self and our soul self from many past lives. I propose that by healing these significant current-life trauma, we are in effect releasing ourselves from lifetimes of traumas. I believe that we may even be releasing unresolved ancestral suffering through healing our current wounds.

So obviously a big point here is about the rippling importance of facing our stuff and healing our wounds. It's about recognizing we are so much bigger than meets the eye. That we have immense power. The value of doing our own personal work has the potential to heal far more than ourselves. We collectively share many of the same stories. And our current state of health, both mental and physical, has ripple effects that impact many other living beings. We may be carrying traumas that occurred in our ancestral bloodlines, and maybe some of our experiences are reflections of those that still need healing.

I'm obviously just speculating but this is rather fascinating to me and I wonder what others think about these possibilities.

Bring magic into your life narrative. 

By discovering and healing our unresolved wounds, we are not only helping ourselves, but we may also be energetically healing our ancestral blood line and our soul lineage.

 

I am

Leslie Ann Losinger

Guided by a Golden Heart

I connect to the Bliss of my Being.

I am nestled in Love,

A Radiant Embrace.

Warm and Glowing

I am a Vibrant Light,

Filling the World.

A Crooked Path: Life and the Pursuit of Wellness

I have always been a wonderer, and a wanderer...an explorer of ideas, of self, and of life itself. Often rejecting the surface of things, always curious to understand the deeper meanings as well as the broader perspectives. We might call this a search for truth, and a quest for aliveness.

I love life and the earth we live on. I believe in our inherent capacities and potentials to live beautiful and happy lives. I believe nature is our partner in attaining wellness. My approach to health, healing and happiness is holistic in philosophy:

Mind Body and Spirit.

Thoughts Feelings Actions.

I believe that within the universe there is a set of natural principles, or natural law, that is there to guide us within the rails of safety and morality. This most simply involves the principle of cause and effect which teaches us not to harm self or others. To have care and compassion. To realize that by harming another we are ultimately harming ourselves. Within this wide framework, however, is an amazing playground for individual expression and diversity. And I find that wonderful and exciting. 

 

Yes, let's be creative and have fun! Last dance and play. Free float and free form!

And,... let's as well be serious and structured and get down to business. 

There is a time and a place for both. 

I am passionate about pursuing regular exercise, super nutrition, social connection, joyful experiences, and explorations in nature.  I am devoted to maintaining a spiritual practice that includes things like meditation, affirmative prayer, self-reflection, and energy practices. I am an avid and ongoing learner.

My commitment is to practice what I preach, so to speak. To strive high while being self compassionate and accepting of imperfections. The crooked path. I think we are all on one.

My natural curiosity has led me down a quite crooked path. And the journey has brought me surprises, many of which have been difficult or bitter sweet. I've been caught off guard and found that distressing. I've repeated the same mistakes more times than I like to admit.

Like you, I'm human.

I've been married...and divorced. I have 3 children and grapple with parenting. I've been a single mother. My house is a mess.

I'm imperfect and I've stuggled.

I've moved across the country, in steps, from the east to the west coast. I've been a competitive athlete (and a non-competitive one). I love to dance. At a relatively young age, I lost much my athletic potential due to osteoarthritis from hip dysplasia. I have felt chronic pain and pushed through. I am rebuilding my body now with hip replacements.

I am excited about the future, despite the uncertain and sometimes frightening  times we live in. 

So...With this blog, I am taking a risk. A risk of exposure that I have shied away from for most of my life. But now is the time..I believe it's the time not only for me but for us all. We all have an important voice that needs expression.  It's the time to peel back our crusted protective shell and let our inner lights shine outward..to be that Vibrant Light you were born to be.

At the moment of this writing, I cant tell you exactly what you will find inside this blog. It will likely be diverse and I'm sure it will develop a life of it's own. I will begin though with what is safe for me...my work wisdoms. From there...we will see!

My work for close to 30 years has been in the field of clinical social work. The most recent decade, as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in California, I've focused on psychotherapy with adults. I assist people who struggle with a range of issues but most commonly depression, anxiety and the effects of trauma. I am trained in EMDR and sometimes use that in my practice.